Just so no one thinks that my entries and thoughts are soley about moving out, here's something that it is not about that. It does occupy alot of my thought but here's something that had nothing to do with that and happened recently.
I have several friends who are not Christian or if they are they are they do not believe as strongly as I do or sometimes the same things I do. I came home from hanging out with some friends earlier this week and thought about how we treat each other in that group. In XA, we work on encouraging to each other but in this group of friends we tend to tease each other alot and be sarcastic. Now we can be nice to each other, but I wonder if the Christians in this group are showing the non-Christians the love of God. I came home heart sick on the matter. I did not feel guitly but I felt helpless in some senses because I knew that even if I was every ounce the Christian I thought I should be, that would not save my friends. Only God can. And this was hard for me. I have no control over the situation and there are people that die everyday without Christ and wondered if I would ever have to face the idea that one of my friends dies and it is uncertain where there eternity is to be spent.
I do still wonder about my actions and wonder if my non-Christian friends get that I love them and I only can love them effectively at all because of God. God loves them more than I do and He always will. While my love can be conditional and is imperfect, God's is unconditional and perfect. And I wonder if I say that at all about God. Is there anything my life or my words that conveys: "Hey you're not perfect, and neither am I, but God loves us both completey and no matter how long we're friends or what happens between us, I know that Jesus wants you and always will want you."
-Niccy
ps. Check out more of my entries at xanga.com/netcatz
